By Lady Onna, on May 15th, 2010%
There was definately some kind of childhood experience that led me to develop a liking for the rubber. I have been through a few relationships polarised in different ways either for or against this.. affliction for latex porn.
In my first relationship, he was an average enough guy, and I was bashful to admit I wanted rubber! He was bashful to concede. It turned out he was not at all entertained by the idea – didn’t mind me wearing it, but not into the latex sex thing. It made me feel.. well kinda wrong actually. If you feel uncomfortable with yourself, chances are the relationship wont last.
That’s an observation I can definately say was consistent with all my relationships. If you’re uncomfortable with what you are, or how someone makes you feel about what you are – as a fetishist… Sorry! It ain’t gonna last!
Well, at least they did each for me last for about 5 years… I moved on from that first relationship in the first tentative steps of loving latex more than straight sex. I thought I knew what I wanted and formed an idea about how to present my love of latex to make sure the next guy was right, and failed again. No doubt he was probably damaged after a few uncomfortable years went by that made him hate latex sex too heh heh. By the time I found my last relationship, bearing in mind I spent my whole adult life feeling like I was perverted, or there was ‘something wrong with me’ . I was hiding my perversion, sneaking a look at latex porn in secret. I was so deeply polarised and angry about what I felt was my persecution for being a fetishist that I would not accept a guy unless it was just about the latex. So, the last five years of my life I lived what some people would say was their true indulgent fantasy.
As a sacrifice to believeing in a balanced relationship, and in need of latex, I gave up the realm of a meaningful relationship for one that was based on fantasy. I had a rubber maid. There were lodgers. All, I look back on now as somewhat broken people, like me, all searching and finding no-one. The so called freedom I had, allowed me to explore other types of relationship within a BDSM world. I could even ‘dominate’ other men; take out my fustration and some of my anger for my persecuted satisfaction in perversion. An exhange in this relationship surely, we would both have what we needed.
What I learned was that I did not want a BDSM relationship, or just a rubber maid. It was all exciting and fun, for like 2% of what I wanted. All I wanted was a relationship where I felt truely comfortable in who I was. Not putting on an act as some mistress, or domme. I like latex, I like playing games – with latex porn, but I realised that in accepting I was ‘broken’ was fervently keeping me as a mistress to a maid in a babysitting role I did not want. Therefore this polarised fantasy relationship also turned sour. If I was uncomfortable, so was he, and the more broken and unsatisfied either of us felt, the more we danced and played into those roles, and it started to appear to me, that something was wrong.
It was unhealthy, so I decided to take a new perspective, I could only do that by starting again, once again, far away and taking time out to give myself and wellbeing therapy. I use latex for something, it is like an addiction, just like an addiction to sex. Therefore, a rubber relationship doesn’t have to be solved by putting two addicts together. In my years of playing with other people, I have seen how it does and can work. For now, my satisfaction is in finding a comfortable relationship, allowing myself my latex porn, and then working out how to bring it into the relationship.
I wont be ‘damaged’ anymore by anyone thinking I have a perverse sense of fun. I wont inflict my fustration on anyone to procrastinate some given fetishist right. I wont accept or compromise what someone else thinks I should be given role to, when I just want some relief. I won’t pitch myself to a new guy as a fetishist or believe that a soulmate has to have the same characteristics. I have no expectations, and instead, quiety enjoy my latex porn…
By Lady Onna, on June 16th, 2009%
I’m introducing myself at a very apt time in my lifestyle. Once again this year I have been asked to attend a casting for a sexual relationships book published by Dorling Kindersley. You see them every year, new versions of the ‘how to’ guide on sex, aimed at couples that are trying to refresh their sex lives. In my opinion the books never worked for my last relationship – he might as well just have pulled out a load of rubber, or got more into it. Ironic that now I go to castings based on the subject, and will probably end up in one of these books that he resorted to, to try and ‘save the relationship’ heehee.
Entertaining myself here, thinking ‘oh! hang on, he’s next gonna buy a book to use on another missus who’s bored of sex – only to see meeEEEEEE!!’ mwahahahaaa. Heh, talk about rubbing his face in it. I LOVE IT! Well, I guess rubber isn’t everybody’s thing, and if it is, you’re kinda screwed if your partner isn’t on the same level.
For me: Rubber shouldn’t be a necessity, but often is. I’m not keen on men, prefer them covered up – all over. Preferably bagged, hooded, gagged. Told to ‘shutthef#ckup’ quit whining, and try to please me- not themselves. Doesn’t mean I am a domme, or gay. Just means I have issues to sort out before I can get to a loving relationship with a bit of spice and rubberrrrr. Until I do, I just play in life like the kid I had to grow out of, I hope it entertains you all in the same way it does me in the mean time.
Back to the casting…
Last year my Agency put me forward as a nude model suitable for this line of commercial work. I went, stripped, did my body mugshots, they saw me in the flesh, and I didn’t get the job. Not unusual in modelling to be used to going to to castings and treated like a product of peice of meat. The feedback to the agency was interesting: they were prepared to overlook my tattoos and hence requested my presence for the casting, but only really if they found a fella for me. This is really where the problem lies. (lol – finding me a fella). With commercial work, if you are paired up with a man, HE has to appear in a similar ethnicity to you. SKIN TONE is important (not if you’re in rubber for God’s sake. Funnily enough no one has put together a sex guide based on rubber – I would have bought that hahaha). Only my skin tone, is that of an ethnic mongrel, so there is never a male model to match, well, never in the right time and place unfortunately. This is why sex books, so often put caucasion couples together, or black couples. It is just ‘EASIER’ once they have found the models with the right look, to match them together.
Here’s a hint. If ever you start looking at ‘sex guides’ you can bet your relationship is nearly OVER. If she is that bored of sex, getting some photographic ‘how to’, ‘karma sutra’ on positions, ain’t gonna really spice things up. You have already learned and developed and grown together, and then ‘poof’ you pull out the book on back to basics, lets see the positions we can get into. A lady’s really gonna think you’re telling her how to suck eggs. Maybe books have progressed now and I have just burned the possibility of getting just another one off job!. OH WELL!
I tell you what I did. I recommended someone who ‘could’ be partnered up with me for the sexual relationships book, just to increase my chances this time. Like me, he was also ethnic crossbreed lol. The producer was interested in my suggestion and asked for his photos, so I had to do them didn’t I!. Well, rather than give them the bog standard front/back body hands/feet mugshots. I thought I would go really criminal and direct the shoot – sneak rubber into it heehee, give them a HINT for the book. (Which wont make a difference because it IS already written, but hey, I just did my take on it, It’s my rubberly personality shining through.) They wanted to see him in little knickers? I Stuck him in MINE. Now just to sit back and wait if there’s any news 
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